It's always darkest before the dawn
by ioananix
Summary: I have more than enough reasons to return on Midgard I've planted my seeds. I'll rip what I've sewn. In a form of an heir. For now I will battle with myself until it's time to return to this realm. I am the monster, I didn't have the time to make peace with the endearing thought. Tonight I will bury the monster in the ground.


**It's always darkest before the dawn...**

**Author:****ioananix ( blog/ioananix )**

**Fandom: Marvel (Thor & Avengers )**

**Rating: R**

**Genre:****romance/angst**

**Summary:**

_'' I have more than enough reasons to return on Midgard I've planted my seeds. I'll rip what I've sewn. In a form of an heir. This wrenched mortal world was offered me the ground for an experiment. It wasn't a calculated gamble at first but I have to admit the pleasure was there, with every breath she drew upon my body, every laugh and every moan. My talent for mischief carries on brother. I have reasons to come back here. I have my battles to wage and win. I wasn't a would be king inside enemies hands to be used. If I won I would have eliminated their leader, I lost I unleashed their wrath, the odds are even now, the battles has just started._

_For now I will battle with myself until it's time to return to this realm. I am the monster, I didn't have the time to make peace with the endearing thought. Tonight I will bury the monster in the ground.''_

**Disclaimer:****Although the characters belong to Marvel, this work is based on an original storyline, AU following a timeline established in ''Thor'' and ''Avengers''**

And I'm damned if I do and I'm damned if I don't  
So here's to drinks in the dark at the end of my road  
And I'm ready to suffer and I'm ready to hope  
It's a shot in the dark aimed right at my throat  
'Cause looking for heaven, found the devil in me  
Looking for heaven, found the devil in me  
Well what the hell I'm gonna let it happen to me….

_The monster parents tell their children about. I was told that story and I had wanted to kill the monster. I am the monster. I bear the marks and have their blood running through my veins. The cold blood under blue skin. I am the lie and deception. I am the killer and the abomination. I am death. I brought death. Standing in front of my reflection. It's the pale skin, the emerald gaze, the dark slicked hair. But it morphs into a despicable creature of ice. Intricate patterns carved on my skin almost screaming at me, mocking and taunting me. For I am the monster. Not the brother, not the son, not the brother in arms. The enemy. Crimson gaze stares back at me, sneering behind heavy eyelids chastising my convictions. 'You're a lie, a waste, a relic, a stolen artifact who hadn't had the chance to be put to good use.' It laughs, the sickening image begins to laugh, the thin blue lips curling into a sneer. The glass shatters, the blood pours from the wounds, torn skin on the knuckles, red blood, red hot blood warming the flesh and making the blue fade into pale complexion. The God and the Monster. Unable to have the monster erased and cursed to live with the truth and the lie. For I am the lie. I'm the lie, the liar. I'm the silver tongue, I am unheard, I scream. I scream inside, a silent cry. And I lie. I sneer and pretend. I lie even to myself. It's far too easy. I hide my own shame and bitterness. I hide my loneliness._

_Had I coveted so much a throne? A shallow thought for I have lived my whole life in your shadow 'brother'. You're not my brother. Not anymore. Not by blood. Your blood is pure and Aesir while mine is cold and tained of the Jontunheim heritage. It's cold brother, I'm cold while you're warm. You call me brother still. You say you've mourned me, my mother mourned, my father mourned me too? I was mourned by your friends as well? The dull creatures that they are, the ones righteous and heroic._

_I never wanted your damned throne and that foolish mortal was right I lack conviction. What do I have to win from ruling the realm of the Midgardians? Simple minded creatures living from day to day, enjoying simple success and having such a thin lifespan. They're entertaining. There is art and culture, there is music and literature and there are weapons and wars and death. Light and darkness. Estinguish the light for more darkness. I couldn't estinguish the light, I lacked conviction but I didn't lack anger. I was angry, I am angry and bitter._

_You let me fall brother. You let me fall father. My brother. How many times have tried to protect you from your own foolish rage? How many times have I given counsel only to have you spit in my face and do what you want? Be the hero, the warrior, win the battle, save the day. You've never had a plot or a plan, simply a smirk and your hammer. One against a whole army. The true son of Odin. I adored you brother, for every whim and foolish arrogance, I adored your stubbornness and pride. I adored you and envied you with each breath I took. Love and hate bear such a thin line after all. You dare ask me who pulls my strings? Who controls the would be king? I gambled brother. For once I gambled and I failed. Vanquished by your friends, these pathetic creatures, living on anxieties and personal demons. The real you claim to protect. Maybe they are not so different from me. Not that Man of Iron. One could call him a Prince, he has money, power, a realm he manages. Does he have a heart beneath that costume he wears? Maybe these creatures have stirred my interest. They're still breathing. I had plenty of chances to eliminate them._

_I wonder brother, when you fell on Earth have you studied or went around clueless, navigating on a strange land? I learned brother. I listened, I read, I watched. There's more power in a piece of music here then all of the armies raised by Odin. And there is this feelings that made me question my resolve. This sensations of discovering something else on this land. No such powers and armies but culture brother. Reading. Listening. Simple creatures blessed and cursed with such a short lifetime, living like there's no tomorrow. I hated them, I liked them. Creatures like that Hulk. Two entities under one shell. The monster and the martyr. The scholar and the beast. _

_You'll bring me back home? I have no home brother. Thor. You'll bring me to face my judgement and punishment, in the cheers of the whole Court. Behold the monster for he shall be sentenced. Will mothers hide their children when I will step inside? Will the father show their son who they will learn to kill? Will you be there brother, along with them? To behold at the lie your father, my father, Odin has entertained? I'm the God of Lies lied brother! Do you find it ironic? I find it very ironic brother and it enrages me._

_The truth is, uttered from this lips familiar with the lies, that I hate myself with every breath, with every gaze upon my sight, upon the monster under the pale skin. I live a lie brother. Yet I live and I will not forsake this for anything. Not for you, not for the man who stole me from Jotunheim and bestowed upon me his name. I will survive brother. I promise this. _

_A muzzle on my mouth. Really brother? My mind isn't muzzled brother. My mind is my greatest instrument and weapon. Shall we go brother? Shall we go back to your world? Your future kingdom? Shall we start the parade of the monster for the whole court? I have my faith sealed already. You have no idea what will be my true punishment. My mind is also my tormentor. He has access inside my mind. There will be no barren moon, no crevice in this universe to hide me. I won't hide. I am not a coward 'brother'. I fight my own battles. Do you have the courage to fight brother or you have accepted duty and simply duty? How about that woman? The one who taught you humility. I could have killed her before they hid her. You're weak brother but you call it a steady resolve, you're a coward brother._

_Shall we go? I look forward for the sham to begin. I have more than enough reasons to return on Midgard I've planted my seeds. I'll rip what I've sewn. In a form of an heir. This wrenched mortal world was offered me the ground for an experiment. It wasn't a calculated gamble at first but I have to admit the pleasure was there, with every breath she drew upon my body, every laugh and every moan. My talent for mischief carries on brother. I have reasons to come back here. I have my battles to wage and win. I wasn't a would be king inside enemy hands to be used. If I won I would have eliminated their leader, I lost, I unleashed their wrath, the odds are even now, the battles has just started. _

_For now I will battle with myself until it's time to return to this realm. I am the monster, I didn't have the time to make peace with the endearing thought. Tonight I will bury the monster in the ground._

And I am done with my graceless heart  
So tonight I'm gonna cut it out and then restart  
'Cause I like to keep my issues drawn  
It's always darkest before the dawn


End file.
